Love From an Awakened Perspective

By Aruna

July 15, 2010

My definition of love is not what it used to be. At one time, I could only describe the contact between two individuals with this label. Love meant caring more for some than others. "I love him, or her," or "I don't love them anymore" could have been my words on many occasions. I no longer consider this interpretation of this powerful word accurate.

So what is love? Upon Awakening, I realized that love is not about a "special relationship". It encompasses all relationships, including those we don't give our attention to. Love is a way of Being. When we are able to recognize that it is not an emotion that we selectively direct at one person or another, we begin to see it in everyone and everything we focus our attention on.

Love is our True Self, our Essence. And, it is reflected back to us in everyone and everything that exists. This is because love underlies all outer appearances and behaviors. Love is the Oneness that connects everything that exists in the "ocean of consciousness" that we are part of.

When two people are passionate about each other we say they are "in love". This passion may be predicated on love, on the one hand, but it can also be dominated by lust, or possession, and still include that strong energy which pulls us together to grow in consciousness. When we are attracted to someone it means that we have some sort of work to do together. Not physical work but rather consciousness expanding work. This object of our attention will bring us the lessons we need, in order to learn about what love is, and what it is not. Their behavior reflects back to us things we deny about ourselves. The very person they are, also serves as our mirror, giving us insights into the beautiful parts of ourselves, as well as the not so beautiful ones. The most difficult relationships are the one's we can benefit the most from when it comes to consciousness building. This kind of relationship is tailor made for learning about actual love.

I began with what it used to be, now here is my current definition of love: unconditional caring expressed with honesty and integrity. We can love those that we don't know. We can love those who behave in ways that cause us pain. We can love without expectation and without agendas. When there are qualifiers attached, especially hidden ones, that is not love.

Most of our relationships are not about love. They are usually the continuation of other dynamics that we are conditioned for as children. We are presented with them to discover our loving nature, which forgives unwanted behavior, but rejects it when it is not loving towards us. We have these particular relationships so we can say "NO" to what doesn't work for us, and to discover and say  "Yes" to what does, by which we begin honoring the voice of our heart. It may be that the most loving thing to do in an incompatible relationship is to end it, giving both parties the freedom to move on to their next lesson in consciousness expansion.

Many of us hold on to what we have, even though it is not in our best interests, or those of the other party, mostly because we fear the unknown. We justify this "hanging in there" in the name of love, but is it, really? Where is the actual love in this picture?

And let me be clear about this: I do not support ending relationships unless they are irreparable. Whenever we create the opportunity to work things out, we are expanding our consciousness, and creating the same opportunity for the one we are at odds with. "Working it out" looks like: communication about the situation, so both sides can have closure. Ignoring or denying hurtful, unloving behavior towards another is shutting down that growth opportunity, and possibly causing additional karma for you. You might be committing yourself to at least one more lifetime, to set that straight!

"Being" love means: doing things that are loving to yourself as well as others. Sacrifice is not love. Sacrifice is part of the cycle of suffering. It means you are stuck in ignorance - the kind of ignorance that sees others as more worthy of love than you are.

Love is expressed by giving and receiving. When we give unconditionally we automatically receive. Not necessarily from the one we are giving to, but from the One that is the source of all giving. When we cannot give, or cannot receive, we have become a restriction to the life flow of love. Being honest with yourself and others, in integrity with the guidance of your heart, and emotionally detached from the hooks that bind us to unloving behaviors, is what love is all about.

Copyright (c) Aruna Byers, July 15, 2010. This article can be freely distributed without any changes made to it.

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