ENERGY DYNAMICS IN RELATIONSHIPS

By Aruna Byers

You have probably heard it said, if you haven’t said it yourself, “we are so close that I know what my partner is thinking” or, “he says what I was going to say before I had a chance to say it.” It appears that people very close in relationship have a psychic sense about the other person’s wants, needs and even thoughts. Is it because these two people know each other really well, love each other more than others, or is there a psychic connection that allows them to feel and know things about the other that other people are not aware of? The answer to this question is that two people who think about each other a lot have an energetic connection called “Cording.”

Cords are created with thoughts. Whenever you think about someone there is an energetic link to that person. If it is a casual thought or occurs infrequently it is a temporary connection that dissolves over time. But if it is frequent, obsessive, or emotionally charged, it becomes a permanent energy exchange that provides a psychic awareness of the other person no matter what the distance is between them. This is how people know when a loved one is in trouble or has been injured or dies even if there has been no notification. It is how some people intuitively know if their mate is cheating.

Cording is not limited to our most intimate relationships. It applies to parents, children, close friends, pets, etc. Another word for cording is attachment. If you are attached to someone you are probably connected by energy cords that link your chakras (energy centers) to theirs. It is not limited to only our current friends and relations, it can continue after death and into future lifetimes. If you are grieving and longing for someone who you cannot stop thinking about, you can be sure there is cording to the energy body of that person.

When someone transitions from life to death they are entering into a new realm of existence. Ideally they will follow the light and move on to their next adventure. But if they are strongly corded to the loved ones they are leaving behind they will stay close to them and not follow the light to their next evolution. These souls become earthbound spirits or ghosts, caught between worlds. It is not in their best interest to hold them to you after their death and neither is it good for you. Your difficulty in letting them go is actually interfering with their soul’s growth path, and because you continue to live with them in the past, instead of being fully present in the moment and creating a new future for yourself, you are also stuck in your own growth path.

Are soul mates corded from previous lives? Possibly, but not necessarily! A soul contract could create the same level of attraction as cording does. Attraction is one thing, but if we find ourselves attached to that person again in this life we are creating cords.

People that we admire and think of often can also be subject to an energy connection we create with them. Stalkers and hero worshippers can actually affect the person they are obsessed with because of the psychic connection they are creating. No wonder famous people have such difficulties in life after they become known. It is not just the energy of close family and friends that they have to deal with.

It doesn’t matter what kind of thoughts you are sending to another – positive and negative thoughts are both energies that go towards that person as you think of them. If you are thinking negative thoughts about someone they are feeling it in subtle ways, so you cannot expect them to be nice to you when you see them and pretend everything is fine between you. Even if your thoughts are nice, the object of your attention may feel their space is being invaded by you so they become uncomfortable being around you. If thoughts about you are frequently popping up in their mind they can’t help but know you are focusing on them.

Lust and sexual intimacy also create cording. It has been reported by numerous sources that you are connected for seven years to those you have had sexual relations with. Being sexually attracted to someone may not be reciprocated and these thoughts can actually cause that person to want to avoid you. This is because they feel your subtle energies attempting to seduce them even if you don’t do or say anything to them about the way you feel.

Healthy relationships are clean of cording. Each person is energetically self-contained, without the wants or needs of others pulling on them. Loving someone is not being corded to them. Possessive relationships are corded relationships. Loving relationships are respectful of the other’s inner calling and choice making. A loving partner supports their mate to be the best they can be and supports them to follow their dreams. A corded partner wants their needs met first.

All relationships have the potential of being healthy, energetically respectful and free of cording. It takes consciousness to recognize the unhealthy levels of relationship and courage to be willing to do something about it.

Because disconnecting the cords may be hard to do for both parties, it is best to work with someone who understands energy and how we affect others with our thoughts. To just cut the cords can be jarring to both parties, and a waste of time if there is not one conscious party in charge of making sure they stay cut. It also may require several stages before you are able to completely release the cords that connect you to loved ones. Fear can stop you, or the thought of being without that energy connection can prevent you from doing it completely. And if the other person does not want to disconnect you may discover things about the relationship that you were not aware of.

That was my experience when I cut cords with a close friend that was becoming too demanding and uncomfortable to be around. The method I used is described in great detail in the book Cutting the Ties That Bind: Growing Up and Moving On by Phyllis Krystal. I highly recommend this book to everyone reading this.

I sat in a chair and visualized my friend sitting across from me as I began to do the exercise. As I got more involved in the process, the visualization of my friend changed from a woman to a vulture with its legs straddling my neck and its claws dug deep into my shoulders. I had to remove each claw and talk to her about the reasons we needed to cut the cords before I could do the next step. It took a lot of convincing before she was willing to let go. Now this might seem bizarre and that I have a pretty wild imagination, but when I saw her in that form I realized that this was what our relationship had become and knew for sure that releasing the intensity of her attachment to me was essential for the wellbeing of us both. She was depressed for weeks afterwards, thinking I had rejected her as a friend, but this was not my intent. I needed to change the relationship from a co-dependant one to a healthy one and we both needed to be free to follow our own inner guidance, even if it took us in different directions.

As you can see in this example, it can affect the person you are releasing very deeply, even if they are not mentally aware that the cords are being cut. The best thing is to cut cords frequently with close friends so they do not become as strong as they were in this case. If a relationship needs to change and one of the parties is resistant to that, you need to be aware that when you cut cords with them the relationship is definitely going to change and you may not like the way it looks.

I recommend cord cutting in any situation that seems uncomfortable. I also recommend it with everyone you feel attached to before it gets to an uncomfortable level of enmeshment. Some personality types prefer to lose themselves in their friends or partners and it is not in their best interest to accept this. Supporting and empowering friends is the healthiest way to be in relationship with them. When each one contributes something to the other, both benefit. When one gives and the other just takes, this is co-dependency and a relationship that does not allow either to reach their full potential.

When we are in healthy relationships we don’t feel needy - seeking energy from others to make us feel whole. Each party enjoys being with the other and giving and receiving are going both ways. In unhealthy relationships there is usually a control issue and/or a needy issue that creates tension and demands that destroy the relationship. When a wonderful happy connection turns into possession and domination it is time to take a look at yourself and why you still want to spend time with this person. If it is neediness in you that is afraid to leave then get help fast, before your diminishing self-esteem makes it even harder to change the dynamics of the relationship. Cutting cords with someone in this situation can be problematic, so get help first so you can handle the changes that are likely to occur.

The best use of cord cutting is when a relationship has ended and you don’t want to say goodbye. It can be a relationship break-up, a child going off to college, the death of someone close to you, or any situation where it is time to move-on. Being able to release that person and being happy to have shared that time with them can be easier when you release the cords that have kept you attached.

Please understand that removal of energy cords does not mean that you are ending the relationship. It only means that you are removing all ability to control or manipulate another person and visa versa. You can still enjoy each other in any way you want – freely and completely – without the pulls and tugs that make it hard for either party to make clear independent decisions.

A possessive, controlling relationship is destructive. So is a dependant, needy one. To let someone go means they are with you because they want to be, not because you are demanding or needing them to be.

In addition to the method described in Phyllis Krystal’s book mentioned above, there is another way you can release these energy cords if the nature of the relationship has not become unhealthy. Imagine that the person you want to release is standing in front of you about 10 feet apart. With your inner vision, scan their energy centers (chakras) to see if there are any cords connecting them to you. For those who don’t know where to look, the seven major energy centers are on the top of your head, the middle of your forhead, the center of your neck, your heart, your solar plexus, the area between your pelvic bone and navel, and the bottom of your spine where your legs meet. Each center represents a certain way of relating which you can learn more about by studying the chakra system. For this exercise you don’t need to know anything about them, just look to see if there are any cords connecting these areas in both of you. They can be connected head to heart or throat to solar plexus, etc. Where they are connected is not important. How they are connected is. If these cords are easily removed from the other person by a mental tug you are at a healthy enough stage that this will only make the relationship more equal. If the cords are thick and strongly embedded, then please get the book I have recommended and follow the instructions there. If there are serious implications in changing the nature of the relationship, please work with an energy savvy coach or therapist first and follow their guidance about when the time is right to cut the cords.

We are all living human lives for the sole purpose of sufficiently raising awareness so we can awaken to the truth of who we are and complete the cycle of continuous rebirth. For many of us this means ascension.

To ascend we must be sufficiently complete within ourselves so that we can say goodbye to the life we have known without any regrets and move on to our soul’s next adventure. In all our life experiences it is our relationships that help us grow in awareness, and how we relate to others will also determine if we are ready to ascend. To ascend we must become unconditionally loving and detached at the same time. We cannot awaken or ascend with another person. We can only do this alone. When we go to bed at night we may sleep in the same bed with another, but when we drift into sleep we go alone and the other person does the same. If we are so attached to someone that we refuse to move on to sleep or our next life experience without them, we will need another lifetime to learn how to let go. Our relationships come and go to teach us that letting go is part of life. We may miss those we have lost, but we must move on, and to do that we have to be focused in the present and the creation of a new future rather than remain stuck in memories of the past.

When we awaken to our True Nature we realize that who we are is one collective consciousness that includes everyone we have ever known. We can’t leave anyone behind because they are always part of us no matter where we are or what we are doing. This realization provides the freedom from attachment that is needed for ascension. NOW is the time to awaken and ascend. Release yourself from the bondage of your own mind and you will be contributing to the freedom of all.

***Aruna Byers is a Life Coach who specializes is Spiritual Awakening. She has spent 20 years facilitating transformational transitions such as “Cutting the Ties that Bind.” For further information about coaching or assistance with resolving issues that are keeping you from Awakening you can contact Aruna at info@awakeningcoach.com.